For 4 months I have been on a self discovery journey and I have been working on myself as a whole.
Why? I started dating at the age of 12 and I’ve always been in a relationship. I can’t remember a single time where I was ever actually single or not entertaining someone. As a result I never TRULY got to know me. I was always trying to keep my boyfriend happy and find out what they liked. I was never a priority in my life and that can become tiring very quickly. I struggled with self esteem, self worth and self love. I pushed myself to the back burner and everyone else was my focus. My weight was always crazy. As a woman that is 5’7, there is nothing healthy about weighing 90lbs and starving yourself. We’re not even going to go into my mental health…
I realized in February that I simply couldn’t live like that any longer because NO ONE else was going to take care of me like I needed. No one else could love me the way I needed to be loved. How could they if I wasn’t even sure of what I needed? I started small in each area of my life.
For romance, I started buying flowers for myself, running a candlelit bath after work, taking myself to dinner, etc. I quickly learned that while these niceties are not something that I NEED constantly, I do enjoy them.
For health, I started working out and eating balanced meals. I found out I actually love certain protein shakes and green beans. Man, I used to hate green beans with a whole passion.
For my mental health, I started taking breaks and I started meditating. My mind felt clearer and I felt relieved a lot.
I’ve been learning a lot about myself and I’ve started feeling happier. I still have those times where my mental health begins to weigh me down and it’s in those times that I realize how much I enjoy my alone time. (even though I should probably be around people) I fall more in love with myself daily. I see my flaws and instead of being criticized for them I accept them and IF they are something I can change then I change them. Not because changing will benefit someone else, but for ME. My weight has finally balanced out. I will definitely be continuing my journey as I’ve only scratched the surface of seeking Chenele.
I feel like I’m rambling now, so I’m going to go ahead and close out.